He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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