Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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