Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
