Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
