His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
