fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
