yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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