Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and she was petting her beer can
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
