Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
