Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
