An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
