you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
