Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
