A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
