Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
