A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
