I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
