If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
