Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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