I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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