Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
