My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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