so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
