i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
