At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
