He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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