She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
