Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize