They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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