You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
