Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
