I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
