Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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