yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
