I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
