This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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