Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
