It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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