my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
