I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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