you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
