we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
