My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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