she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
