is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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