I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
