You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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