dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
