i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize