I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
