There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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