what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
