dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
