The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
