you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
