remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
