If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
