Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
