my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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