then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
