I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
