is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
