His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
