Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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