it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
