my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
