What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
