you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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