**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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