Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
