I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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