did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize