Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
