shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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