She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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