What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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