You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize