Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
