I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
