By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
