In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
