I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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