fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
