Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
