Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize