Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
