Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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