Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
