I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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