she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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