I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
