Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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