my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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