Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so let's talk penis.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize