Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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