I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
