so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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