Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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