i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize