oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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