Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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