im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
