Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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