Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
