i love accidental penises.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
