she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
