Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
