she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
