life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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