I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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