he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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