I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
