a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
