When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
